Monday, February 7, 2011

Is it Gone Yet?

Several people have asked me if the worry has gone yet now that Emmett is safely here. The answer? Yes. And of course not.

I think every parent, whether they've had a child with special needs or not, has worried at least some about their child(ren)'s growth and development. I mean, right? It's part of the parenting package.

I tried not to worry during this pregnancy and that just didn't work, as you all know. Once January 31 came and I was getting prepped for surgery, I knew that the worry had no place for the moment. My focus needed to be on getting through the surgery and meeting my sweet little Emmett. And let's be honest, when it came time to insert the spinal, I was not so much thinking about whether my baby would be ok! Then the surgery started and my mind went right back to our little bundle. I was mostly calm, but the worry would wash over me on occasion and I'd tear up. The staff mostly all seemed to know what had happened before with Dean and they tried so hard to make this a different experience for us. And they really did all that they could do, which I tremendously appreciate.

As Emmett was being born, I held my breath... even though you're numb from the chest down, you just KNOW when the baby is out, when you're finally empty inside after 9 months of that baby growing inside you. We waited for the cry that we never quite heard with Dean. Emmett came out screaming and tears of joy fell down my face. About 80% of the worry washed down my face with the tears.

Then I waited for the nurses and doctors examining Emmett to tell us that everything checked out and that he was looking good. They did. Another 10% of worry washed away.

But that last 10%? I don't know if that ever will go away. Being the third child, I'm in some ways WAY more relaxed with Emmett than I could ever have imagined I'd be with a baby. But being the child after Dean, I think it will be really hard to shake the last 10%.

The cool thing is that having 3 kids just feels so normal and so right. And having Dean right in the middle of it all just makes what he deals with seem more ... just like something else that he deals with! All our kids have wonderful and unique personalities that I'm excited to get to know as they grow older. Just please don't let them grow too much just yet...

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