Saturday, September 10, 2011

Going on Faith

I am a saner, calmer person compared with the one who wrote that last entry. I feel like I should apologize (FB readers, go to http://www.divingintothewaves.com to see what I mean).

Writing a blog entry in a bad moment is not usually a good idea, but then it's just not honest if you never do. So I did.

A lot of people tell me they pray for Bob to have quiet, restful on-call nights at home. I get the sentiment and I love it... in theory. Thing is, that's when Bob makes (or has the potential to make) a large part of his pay. His salary is adjusted to compensate for this pay. It's not overtime, more like how waitresses only get a few dollars an hour because they make most of their money in tips. Bob makes money per call on the nights he's on. So it's not extra or overtime, it's part of his regular pay, and if he gets no (or very few) calls, that hurts us.

In general, we were given a guideline for how much he would make on-call and budgeted on the conservative end of that range. Well, it hasn't even come out to the conservative range thus far, so it's been discouraging. :/ This is not a pity party thing or a secret send-us-money plea, just a blogger telling you about her life. And this is a big part of it! We know that being a chaplain will never be a huge money-making career, so we kind of depend on things to go as planned.

Except... when does life really go as planned? When does everything, especially those things out of your control, just conform neatly to the expectations you set forth about it?

If it does, then I missed something.

So we're working hard. Bob is taking extra shifts and working as hard as he can, and I'm home with the boys and working as a copy editor while they're sleeping (I'm taking a break right now to write to you :)). And in the meanwhile, we've had a recent onslaught of larger, unexpected expenses, so we're trying to figure it out.

We have so much to be thankful for, and we talk about it every.single.day. Just so we don't forget. And so the boys know that they have a lot to be thankful for, too. We all need to be reminded.

Combine that with my general queasiness and anxiety about all things financial and, well, you see where that last post came from. Can't promise it will all be rainbows and puppy dogs from here on out, but I'm going to try to be at peace with all this and we're going on faith.

'Cause really, faith is what we need no matter how comfortable we feel.

2 comments:

Barbara said...

Ali,
I know exactly how you feel. Until last month we depended on any money I could make at subbing, which was not much. Bob's pay never covered all of our expenses. Yet for the last 2 years, our bills did get paid, and we were able to live comfortably, with what came in. God is good - All the time! He has proved that to me over & over - but I know it can be hard to trust at all times! Hang in there - we pray for you all, and I may not say it much, but I really appreciate your writing.
In His Grip,
Barbara

Kevin said...

Courage is where faith meets the tangible world in which we live. I think that this is particularly difficult for educated people. They made sacrifices to attend school to obtain the wisdom and knowledge of others that helped them build a framework for decision making. Laura has said "We did everything that they told us to do, we followed all the rules, and look what happened!" We are both cowards and work hard to avoid risk, but that is what God requires of anyone who follows him. Those who follow Him WILL look foolish. Life will not "work its way out". If we "fail", God is still pleased.