Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Psalm 121, the Remix

‎1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let Dean's foot slip—
he who watches over Dean will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Dean
will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over Dean—
the LORD is Dean's shade at his right hand;
6 the sun will not harm Dean by day,
nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep Dean from all harm—
he will watch over Dean's life;
8 the LORD will watch over Dean's coming and going
both now and forevermore.

There's my adaptation of Psalm 121 for now. Yesterday I was having such a difficult time (or was it the day before? It's all blending into one big day) and I was JUST thinking to myself, 'you know who I really need to talk to? My dad' and right in that moment, the phone rang. I picked it up to look at the number and it was my dad's cell. My dad reminded me that God knows what Dean need (he knows what we ALL need) and that there is only so much I can do. My mom reminded me that I'm doing all I can and that's all I can do.

The monitors bring me back to the time when Dean was just born and we came home from the hospital at 5 weeks old with an apnea monitor, suction machine, pulse oximeter, and NG tube. Our baby was covered in wires and tubes and was just so difficult to enjoy because of all the JUNK that surrounded him. I lost sight of joy.

I'm kind of there again. I'm trying to find peace, but then that stupid pulse ox goes off again and my head goes off with it. Focusing on God's presence in the midst of this is calming and comforting, and makes me feel less alone.

Dean has had a "clean" nap yesterday and today, but last night was not great. Lots of desats, but at least they were better numbers than usual. Tonight he's had 2 so far, but they were much lower. :( Surgery is scheduled for the 27th should we need it. Here's to seeing where it all goes from here....


horace said...

Ali - just wanted you to know that we are thinking about you a lot right now and praying for your family. We have some sense of the terror of oxygen monitors and not knowing and being up all night with it. It is so hard and sad and scary. I wish there was something we could do. We will keep thinking and praying and hoping.

Ali Foley Shenk said...

Thanks, Carolyn! I hate the monitors big time. I wish we could set fire to this one whenever we might be done with it. :)

Everyone's support means a bunch to us!

Dorette said...

I am sorry you have to deal with all of this. Praying for your family

Katie said...

Ali, Praying for you folks. I pray Ps. 91 and Ps. 121 each day over the members of our family, John's family and my friend Mike's family. I believe it is God's protection over all of them. So sorry that things seem so overwhelming in your life at this stage. Your Mom is right on when she says you are doing the best you can. Leave the rest to God. He can do a bang of job!!!!! Grandma

Diana P said...

been praying for you guys during this exhausting patch (physically & emotionally). LOVE what you did with the Psalm though. Hope it's comforting to have those words when you don't have any strength for finding words. Praying for solutions and strength in the meantime.